This is a very delicate matter, and I have been particularly praying for wisdom to handle this matter for days now.




As a lead pastor of a church of 100% youths, as the ladies grow older, my concerns get stronger. Most of those that I consider “the best” are usually the ones who struggle in this area. Sometimes I get cranky and feel church guys are looking for something else and not good relationship, but is this true? Definitely not! There are plenty of good boys in church.


To solve big problems you need to answer honest questions. I began asking questions like;

Why do I consider them as good girls?

It is very simple, I know them. I am their pastor. I have seen them handle various issues, I have seen both their divine and human part.

Why are guys not seeing this?


It is also very simple.
To answer this we need to look at the law of projection. ” People will believe more of what they see of you than what you really are”
Most of them project themselves as too perfect, they project just the church part, just the tongues, and the prophetic nature, they mask themselves behind the veil of religion.


They mostly lie about their human part because of fear of persecution and rejection in their circle. Little do they know that there are broken people just like them in their circle who need a lady who will complement them and not judge them. Most of these guys are afraid of them, they want a wife and not a judge, they want a babe and not a pastor, they want a friend and not a prophetess. This is marriage, you know!


When questions are asked in church, the brothers quietly watch the way they scramble around the word “sex” it sends chills down the spines of prospective brothers, and in most cases, the brothers themselves are also masquerading, they know much more than they are projecting, and the ladies are held in tight corner. Things deceit does to holy people!


Sometimes the issue itself is not lack of prayer, it may be that prayer is all we do and we haven’t been flexible enough to change and review some aspects of our lives.

Sometimes the issue is not that we don’t serve God enough, maybe we do but we don’t understand what it means to be ourselves without religious filters.


One more thing that I have come to notice is; sometimes many let the bitterness that came as a result of disappointments to eat up their perception of Christian brothers. The more the brothers perceive their anger, the more they run away.

Apart from the issue of dressing, presentation, backgrounds, and health issues (which is a sensitive one), one more hinderance could be lack of flexibility as a result of religious colorations.


I put it to you; you are not just a lady-pastor, you are a beautiful woman, you are not just a ministry gift, you are a lovely lady. Strike the balance, it might be the only stone you have left to turn.


Beyond the disappointments you have experienced, God still has good boys, and they are all over the place.




GOOD GOD ll Dan Dbeat